A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Show
Humorous events told by local Aquarists

Out Bid by Malcolm Barrow
In the mid-80s, there was a particularly annoying woman who went around the shows telling everyone how much she knew about fish and fishkeeping. What made her more annoying was the fact she was rarely right. One day, at a South Shields show, Brian Hannah and me decided to teach her a lesson after she spent a long time telling us about a brilliant, show winning catfish in the auction. We positioned ourselves in different corners at the back of the auction to push up the bidding on the catfish. Our plan worked very well with the price of the fish far exceeding its worth, better still she did not realized who was bidding against her. Suddenly, she stopped bidding and I was unlucky to be lumbered with what turned out to be a very expensive, inferior catfish.
Piranhas & Plastic Bags by Paul Barrow
I bought two, four foot tanks from a work colleague after his mother had made him get rid of them because of a flood caused by another tank. In each of these tanks was a Red-bellied Piranha and a shoal of Cardinal Tetras. One of the Piranhas grew rapidly on a diet of cooked shrimp and was nearly FBAS show size within a year. My wife suggested we take it to the upcoming Novos show as it was the closest to home. Normal means of transportation was useless for such a big fish, so a cheap, yellow, plastic bin was bought for the occasion. The plan was simple, put a plastic bin liner inside the bin, fill it with water, catch the fish, put it in the water and tie up the bag. I worked, only the net suffering from the fish's teeth. A second bin liner of water was put in a two foot tank to receiver the fish at the show. At the show, a large  audience surrounded us when they found out the tank would house a Piranha. The bag inside the tank was emptied with gasps of disappointment when no Piranha floated out. Then the bin was produced, the already damaged net went in followed by an almighty boiling of water, just like the movies, and the fish was quickly transferred to the tank. The bewildered fish sat bolt upright in the centre of the tank the centre of attention. Then, phut, it spat out a large black plastic disc, then another, and another until more than half a dozen sank to the bottom. The plastic bag was pulled from the bin and it was found to be full of perfectly round holes, Piranha mouth sized.
Boiled Fish by Paul Barrow
Stanley Open show was held in early March and was always a cold show and the club had to bring in extra, industrial, heaters to cope. On one occasion, I was asked by a disabled member of my club to help him bench. He handed me a flask to top up his tanks which were on the floor. I poured water into the first tank and was about to top up the second when I noticed the fish in the first tank was upside down with white eyes. One fact had not been imparted to me - because the show was always very cold, the flask had been filled with boiling water and not warm - the fish had been cooked. I still wince at the thoughts of this today.